I’ve been kind of a slacker about writing, both here and in my private journal. It’s because of this darn trilogy. I just can’t seem to put it down! However, I think I’m keeping the necessities taken care of, showering, feeding the kids, morning devotions, etc.

The challenge I’ve recently taken on is that of NOT internalizing the “chaos” around me. It’s nearly impossible to keep a house neat and tidy while young children are present, so I need to be okay with that, and just relax already. It’s not like our house is up for sale, so who are we trying to impress? No one. We are healthy, happy, and we are together. That’s what matters and that’s how I can let it go.

With that said, there is one aspect of this new role at home I take very seriously. FOOD. I love food. Food is delicious, and food is fuel. I believe that you can enjoy eating healthy foods, and I strive to teach that to my kids as well. I want them to grow up with healthy eating habits. It will save them in the long run on medical expenses and counseling fees. So, each week I decide on a set of meals, and then make a grocery list. In the past I’ve had a friend take me to the store to help me with the shopping. That’s been nice, but that may prove more difficult having the kids with me during the summer. Mondays will be my kid-free day, so maybe I can find a friend who could take me on Mondays. That would be a great way to start the week, wouldn’t it?

What do you think? Do you struggle with feeling chaos at home? Do you have a book you can’t put down? Do you like to go grocery shopping? Are you seizing the day today?!


Can’t put it down!

Have you ever read a book that you just can’t put down? I was an avid reader as a child, but that went away as I entered the “real world” and responsibilities moved in and crowded out any time or mental capacity to read for fun. Lately, however, I am rekindling that love of reading. It started with a book my mom let me borrow (via Amazon Kindle, which is cool). It was a book I couldn’t put down, and when I finished it I had to find more books by the same author to devour. See, I’m so used to my time being limited that I am not so willing to waste my time (or money, I suppose) on a book I won’t absolutely love. So finding an author I know I like helps.

The book that rekindled my love of reading was “Don’t Let Me Go” by Catherine Ryan Hyde. The next book I found of hers was “When I Found You”, and then “Walk Me Home”. Each of those were just as gripping as the first. But free books are not always readily found, so I took a short break. When I returned, I found a special on a book by Annalisa Grant, called The Lake. It’s a trilogy, which requires much more commitment than I was ready to hand over, but the first book was free, so I downloaded it (I only read books on my Kindle because with my poor vision, the contrast of black ink on white paper is too tiring). I forgot about the book for several weeks, but then just last week I saw it and decided to give it a shot. The rest is history. I’m half way through the second book ($3 on Amazon) and I am loving it. I have shed more tears from these books (happy cries as well as sad cries) than I ever have with any other book. The last time I remember crying his hard from a fictional story was years ago when I watched “P.S. I Love You” (I was crying so hard I had to pause the movie for several minutes, and then I think I may have called my mom for consolation).

So there we have it. Now that I’m not wasting my time with television, I’ve replaced that vice with books. It’s very hard to break away, but kids are persistent and not afraid to tell you what they want or need, so I’ve managed to balance my renewed addiction with making peanut butter & jelly sandwiches and painting nails. Natalie and I even had a lovely time this afternoon, snacking on carrot sticks and hummus and sugar snap peas.

Answer to prayer

I just have to share the exciting progress of God’s miraculous healing of my vision (the nerve damage the Mayo Clinic told me was permanent)

Two days ago I realized I have trouble finding the cloudy blind spot I’ve had on my left side. Today I was able to fully see Max Scherzer’s different colored eyes, which I wasn’t able to see a month ago! Yahoo! Praise God!

Heavy burden for a 4 year old

My daughter just came to me, crying, and said that she didn’t want to die. I asked her why she thought she was gong to die, and she said, “from getting old over and over and over”.

Well, I suppose that is the most common way to die. However, usually it’s the older folk who are more worried about that. She must be an old soul.

I did reassure her that there is good news. The first being that she is rather young, and she has a long ways to go, and getting old over and over and over takes a very long time. That didn’t seem to help much, so I gave her the other good news, that people living with Jesus in their hearts get to live forever and ever, even after their bodies give out. And, since she knows she has Jesus living in her heart, she was very happy to hear about that. I don’t think she wants to go there quite yet, but she did agree heaven sounded pretty nice. And I reassured her Jesus is with her even right now, and she thought that was pretty cool too.

Dreams and Memories

For the past month or so, I am realizing that I cannot remember hearing. I keep recalling memories from further back than ten months (when I lost my hearing), and they are different. I remember them as a deaf person, and then I am confused as I realize they happened before I went deaf. I can’t remember the voices of the people I was with, and I can’t remember listening to what they were saying. It’s like the memory has been altered, and now I remember sitting in silence. Yet, somehow I knew what was being discussed in each memory, but have no recollection of how I knew. That, I suppose, is the weirdest part. It’s sort of like a dream.

I’m just hoping that the memory of my family’s and friend’s voices is still lodged somewhere in the recesses of my brain, so that once my cochlear implant is turned on, I will able to hear them and recognize them again, just as it was before. It’s scary, because it’s getting harder and harder to remember as time goes on. I pray for God to give me dreams while I sleep, dreams in which I can hear them again. It hasn’t really happened yet, but I will be thankful when it does. I do have dreams where I can hear, but the people are usually acquaintances or people I knew from long ago.

The last dream I remember having was strange. I was home alone, and I opened a door to a room and in it were three cats. Two were cats we once had, Pele and Buster Brown, and the third was a white cat I had never seen before. I panicked a little because they had seemingly appeared out of nowhere. So I managed to remove the white cat from the house, and locked Pele and Buster back in the room. As I scurried to figure out what to do, I picked up the phone to call my friend, Sarah, but before she could answer I woke up from the dream. Only I was still sleeping. So it was a dream within a dream. And no human voices. I don’t even think I heard the cats’ meow. Very strange.

The last good memory I have from just before I went deaf is when we all went up to Marquette for the Independence Day holiday. That was such a great time with the kids. I remember all the places we went, and all the fun times we had up there, but I can’t for the life of me remember it with their voices and laughter. When I first lost my hearing, I had a lot of nightmares, and many of them involved our time up in Marquette. That was disheartening, because it was one of my most treasured memories at the time. I think that was one of the ways the devil was attacking me, and I would wake up each time with such fear and panic.

Thankfully, God took hold of those dreams and is protecting me now. God is so good. All the time.

Natalie’s Preschool Graduation

Natalie’s last day of preschool is today, and they held a “graduation” celebration at a local park. We had a blast! The weather was perfect; nice and sunny, and not too warm. Natalie had so much fun playing on the playground that when they were told to come over and sing songs and be presented with their graduation certificates and caps, she immediately got her shorts in a bind. And left them that way for the entire thing. When the kids all stood in a line and sang songs, she stood with her back to all of us (see previous post). Arms crossed, there was no way she was participating. It was funny to see the kids on either side of her doing the motions to the songs, with her standing there so still and resolute. But I have to hand it to her, she is persistently committed.

Here she is pictured with her Chinese teacher, Susan Lao Shi (Ms. Susan). She was an excellent teacher for both Natalie and Luke, and I’ll definitely miss her.  I didn’t get a picture of Natalie’s English teacher, but I’m equally appreciative of Miss Christy. Thank you both for all you do. You are wonderful!