Category Archives: Writing

Two Things

Two things I’ve been obsessing over this week: 1) I need to get back in the habit of running on a more consistent basis and 2) I want to try to get more writing done with my memoir.

The first one is easy, really. It’s just a matter of reminding myself that if I can just lace up those shoes and get out there, my fatigue will be kept at bay. It’s amazing how effective the regular running is at combating the MS fatigue I normally experience. It’s been the best weapon for fatigue, for sure. I’ve tried lots of things in the past but running has been the best. The tricky thing is, it only works if I actually do it. So my goal this week is to get back to it. I talked to my son about running, because he was saying he wants to start running to train for cross country in the fall (crossing our fingers they still let the kids run, geesh). So we agreed we were both going to go running every afternoon, and once he feels stronger – i.e. recovered from playing video games all day, every day – then he’ll probably go off and run on his own. He’s much faster than I’ll ever be but I’m so glad he slows down to run with me. He’s a lot of fun to run with because he does all the talking while I huff and puff alongside him.

That second thing I’m obsessing about is the memoir. This is much tougher, because I really have no clue what I’m doing writing a book. I am finding that I’m at the point of needing to organize what I’ve written so far, and I’m stuck. I’ve always been one who has to see to understand, so not having the ability to really get a clear visual of the outline of the book has me needing to brainstorm in order to get unstuck. I printed what I have so far, and this coming week I’m hoping to look at it under the crafting light and maybe take notes with a Sharpie, so I can see what I’m writing. I would really love to write this book by hand, but not being able to see what you’re writing poses a special kind of challenge. So. I’m not giving up with this, but I am having to be creative and think outside the box. If any of you are outside-the-box thinkers and have any suggestions for me, I’m all ears!

School is back in session

This past week has been a challenging week. I was hit with some pretty crummy news on Friday, but I’m dealing with the situation and am trusting God at every step along the way. Pray for me, if you would.

We recently informed the kids they could no longer play video games all day long. From the hours of 10 am to 3 pm on weekdays, they are not allowed to be playing video games. Instead, they need to be cleaning their rooms, completing their regular weekly chores, and doing schoolwork. If all those things are done and they are feeling bored, they are welcome to do extra chores, take the dog for a walk, read a book, etc. Now if they have everything done and they’ve not given us any attitude, we are willing to negotiate extra video game time. Because we’re not monsters, usually.

We’ve known that the teachers at our kids’ schools have been working feverishly to establish online learning programs for the kids, so we’ve been warning them that the corona-vacation is ending any day now. Well, that day has come. We received instructions from all the teachers this week, and tomorrow morning we’ll have our first round of online meetings with teachers. I’m excited that the kids will have something to be working on that’s more engaging then say, Minecraft and Roblox, but I’m so nervous about how this new format is going to work. This is new for everyone so I’m hopeful that we can all be patient and gracious with each other. Again, pray for me.

I don’t know if I had mentioned, but we are still meeting for Bible Study Fellowship, only we meet on Zoom in order to comply with the social distancing. It’s worked out rather well, but I do miss seeing my ladies in person. We only have one week left as a group, and that makes me kind of sad, but relieved at the same time. Especially with this online learning for the kids ramping up. I had decided back around the Christmas break that I wouldn’t be returning next year to be a group leader, but I haven’t told my group yet. I don’t think they’ll care much. People hardly ever get assigned to the same discussion leader. And Lord willing, they’ll still see me around at regular Wednesday classes.

Oh my gosh, y’all. It snowed yesterday. Seriously. I woke up to see the ground covered in white stuff. It was a crazy day. And then here in Michigan we had a bunch of people protesting at the Capitol, which is all political nonsense that I try very hard not to get mixed up in. I absolutely despise politics and I know that probably makes me less of a grown-up, but I don’t care. I just want to stick my fingers in my ears (or just take off my cochlear implants, HA!) and pretend for awhile that it’s not as screwed up as it is. Don’t ask me how I went from snow in April to politics. All of it’s bizarre, and beyond comprehension. Moving on.

I have done almost no writing throughout this quarantine business because, well, it’s hard to write when your mind is distracted by a global pandemic. So I hear. What I’ve been doing instead is reading books and listening to podcasts. I’m actually finishing books I had started but was unable to finish in time. I recently finished The Boys in the Boat, The Greatest Generation, My Grandmother Asked Me to Tell You She’s Sorry, The Glass Castle, and Know My Name. Many of the books have been audio versions, which I find refreshing because they give my eyes a rest, and I can crochet while I’m “reading”. True multi-tasking!

The other hobby I have, at night when I’m too tired to do much of anything, is watching tv on my laptop (the smaller screen helps so I can see most of what’s going on while I read the captions). I have discovered an absolute gem for mental health and getting to sleep at night – Golden Girls reruns on Hulu. Check it out, and let me know if it doesn’t make you smile.

I’m hoping to get out this weekend and run a Bob Ross themed virtual 5k. We shall see. I haven’t run that far in awhile so it might end up to be a lot of walking. The original plan was to run this with friends, but now that we have shelter in place orders, that’s no longer an option. So I’m just going to run three laps around my neighborhood, and call that a race. I may even wear the bib!

I hope you are all doing well, and are safe and healthy. If you’re feeling a little lonely and blue, watch some Golden Girls. They’ll never let you down.

2nd Mondays

It just occurred to me that today was in fact Tuesday, not Monday. I’m not sure I’ve ever gotten those two days mixed up before. If that tells you anything about where my head is at. To use a phrase from Teri Garr’s character in Mr. Mom, I’ve been feeling kind of floopy.

I have made some sloth like progress on my memoir, in that I’ve done more research on HOW to write one, and have almost settled on a writing program to keep all my notes and chapters, and I’ve started writing my outline. I will share it with all you readers because I love ‘ya:

I. Introduction
II. First Act
III. Second Act
IV. Third Act
V. Conclusion

I still need to write a one sentence premise that includes the character (me), the situation (loss of hearing and vision), and the lesson (still narrowing this down). And of course fill in all the blanks in the outline. I might take the advice I gleaned from one of my favorite authors, Anne Lamott, in her book Bird by Bird. She advises her writing students to use the following format when they are writing: ABDCE: Action, Background, Development, Climax, Ending. Which looks like more like the beginning of a workable outline, if you ask me.

So, I can’t say I’ve written anything lately, but I do feel like I’m making progress. And that is all that matters. I’m gonna knock this book out, bird by bird. You’d have to read the book to get the reference, and I highly recommend it if you are also a writer.

The other thing I’ve been up to is crocheting. I finished a nephew’s blanket and am already started on the next nephew’s. So far each kid has chosen very different colors from all the others so it’s been really fun to see how each blanket turns out. This one I’m working on is yellow and orange and with spring right around the corner, I’m in a springy sort of mood.

Or, I guess you could say I’m feeling floopy.

Good days

I came back from tonight’s Financial Peace class really energized and excited. It was the baby step 2, dumping debt lesson, and that one always gets me a little emotional. We had really great discussion and everyone seems to be coming from very different places in their financial journey, yet we were able to have mutual respect for each other and a cohesive, lively discussion. I’m super stoked and looking forward to next 7 weeks.

Also, I’ve been working hard to not hate cooking lately. I get myself psyched up for each meal by streaming music to my cochlears and I wear a fancy apron and I dance while I’m cooking and stirring and measuring. When I started this ritual a couple weeks ago I made several really bonehead mistakes and screwed up some of the easiest dishes. Tacos, mashed potatoes, rice, stuff like that. My family takes it in stride but I think only because they love me and I laugh with them when they are laughing at me. It’s all good. Tonight we had baked herb chicken with salad and stuffing. I didn’t mess anything up and nobody complained so it’s a half win. If anyone had raved about it I would have called it a winner and made a note to add it to the list of regulars, but it was just meh.

I’m doing really well lately, all around. I’ve got some minor health issues but I’m working with my doctors to get to the bottom of things and I’m not in any pain or discomfort. For now, anyway. It comes and goes but it’s nothing serious.

That’s a little cryptic but I’m leaving it there. I’m trying to focus more on positive things that are happening around me and less on the other stuff. For now. We’ll see how long I can keep up with it. Ha!

Oh! I’ve been stuck writing my memoir but I received some great encouragement from other writers. One, it’s a very long process and I would do good to stop rushing myself. Two, I need to keep my primary purpose in writing the book front and center. And three, I need to write an outline. That last one seemed so simple, I was kicking myself for not having thought of it, but sometimes it’s hard to see clearly when you’re in the middle of it. So this week that is my writing goal. Start writing an outline.

That’s all for tonight folks. I leave you with these nuggets of wisdom given by our guest preacher at church today:

“Wilderness living is designed to make us willing.

Even Jesus had to be perfected through suffering.”

Finding a writing space

Writing has not been happening like I would like it to, but I’m not giving up. Just working on finding my groove. I joined an author’s group on Facebook, and that helps to give me motivation. A lot of it are posts from fiction writers, but it’s all like-minded people so it helps to at least keep the subject of writing in the forefront of my thoughts.

I huge obstacle I’ve been facing has been not having a good physical space to write in. I don’t have a separate office in my home, though I somewhat secretly look forward to when the kids have moved on so I can hijack one of their rooms for this purpose. I do have a corner of my bedroom with a secretary hutch I use often for paying bills and church bookkeeping. Across from that is a cabinet with all our filing and on top of that, our printer. So you could say a sliver of bedroom space is my “office”.

With that said, I think I’ve finally found a spot in my home that is comfortable yet encourages me to be productive. My son has one of those big pillows with arms that are nice and firm so you can sit them on your bed and sit up and do whatever, like read or play video games. Or write!! So I have it sitting on my bed, my nightstand is holding my cup of coffee and water bottle, my laptop is plugged in next to my cochlear implant and phone chargers, and as long as the laundry is caught up I feel like I can relax and have no major responsibilities tugging at my time. That and if the door is closed, my family *should* know not to bug me.

I’m hopeful, but we will just have to see how it goes.

Nearly 2 months

It’s been a long time since I posted. I know. And it’s been a nice break, I suppose, but the wheels start turning again, and I have stuff to share, if you care to listen.

For starters, I left off talking about the memoir I’m writing. Progress is not at a complete halt, but it’s really slow going. I’ll get there, I’m sure of it. I’ve been focused on a lot of things that are happening now, so that detracts from the writing about the past. It was tax season for awhile there, so I had a lot of tasks to complete for the church. Getting W2s and 1099s out, filing them with the appropriate agencies, that sort of thing.

I’ve also been fully immersed in my daughter’s involvement with Girl Scouts, including some meeting planning and selling cookies. Being a part of this troop gives her a number of opportunities to reach out of her comfort zone and discover what she’s really capable of. When she does, she oozes with pride and I am one proud momma for sure. My son stays busy with wrestling and he always works hard and is continuously improving, and that also makes me proud. We try really hard to raise good kids but we can’t take credit for most of what they do well. We just stand back amazed and thank God, praying that we don’t screw it up.

I’ve been running a little bit. I joined a free good form walking/running class with a friend of mine, so two afternoons every week we get to learn how to walk and run properly so that we don’t injure ourselves. In four weeks, when the class ends, we’ll all participate in a 5k race together. It’s been a lot of fun mingling with other like-minded people and I’m learning a lot. I hadn’t realized I had sort of lost some of the joy of running but this class is helping me to rekindle it.

My fatigue level was pretty high there for awhile following the holidays but it’s getting a lot better. I have no doubt the regular running is helping. I’m still quite tired a lot of the time, meaning that I’m sleeping a lot more, but it’s manageable. It’s hard to explain the difference between fatigue and being tired. I guess I only know the difference because when I’m fatigued, I’m not yawning or wanting to sleep. I just can’t seem to move my body. My legs are heavier and walking up the stairs takes considerable effort, but I don’t feel like I could sleep. When I’m fatigued, my mind is often still very active, so I sit a lot and think about what needs to be done, and strategize how to get it done in the most efficient way. So I guess it’s not all bad. You’ve gotta look at the bright side, or the clouds will consume you.

One of the things I’ve been doing a lot more of is crocheting, because that’s something that doesn’t require a lot of thought or energy, so it’s the perfect activity for when I’m fatigued. I’m finishing up an afghan for one of my nephews, and when I’m done I’ll start on one for the next niece or nephew. I have 14 nieces and nephews, so I’ll be at this for many years to come. The plan is to complete them while they’re still in school. I’ve done six so far so I’m not even halfway through. It’s been a lot of fun so far and I just hope the ones who have received their blankets are enjoying them.

I’m starting another Financial Peace class a week from tomorrow, and I’m pretty excited about it. I only have 3 registrations, but two of them are people I met through Bible Study Fellowship, so I’m hopeful they will work the plan and stay for the full 9 weeks. It’s always exciting to watch people go through this class and to see what kinds of things change in their thinking and their habits. A lot of people believe you can’t live without credit cards or a high FICO score or a car payment, and to watch them as they learn the truth of a better way, God’s way, of handling their finances is truly inspiring. I always come away from every week of class motivated to keep on working the plan in our own home, and teaching the principles to our children. I don’t mind doing the class for only 3 members (at least 2 are married couples) but discussion is much more dynamic when you have more, so I’m praying we get more people signed up. We shall see.

I hope you all are having a good year so far. I’ll try to post more regularly to keep you posted on what’s happening in my itty bitty world.

Going back in order to move on

Okay guys. I have intentionally not been blogging because it was winter break and I wanted to be more present and “in the moment” as I spent time with my families over the Christmas and New Year festivities. That mission accomplished, I’m moving on to the next big goal.

I had previously said (maybe not here, maybe just in person to other people) that I was going to run a full marathon in the fall of 2020. But while I contemplated all the training necessary for such an endeavor, I realized I had another big goal I was wanting to accomplish this year. I want to finish writing my memoir. This is very important to me, as I’ve got a lot of stuff to say about my dramatic entrance into this life of disability that I feel God is calling me to share. So I decided I can’t focus properly on both at the same time, and I had to pick which one to work towards first. I’m choosing to write.

I had started writing the memoir a long time ago. I was able to write about what happened, but after 6 or 7000 words I was stuck. And the real problem is that the facts of what happened is only the tip of the iceberg. I need to write about how I felt at each turn, and how we all coped. I need to get real and raw. So even though I’m up way past my bedtime, I made a point to just sit and at least spend 20 minutes writing something. I just started writing, and I didn’t bother with editing or proofing as I went. And here it’s an hour later and I’ve written something, but also I’m in tears. Because I am revisiting some of my darkest, most heartbreaking days. I understand now why I was procrastinating on this. Because I almost have to relive the pain in order to share with others how I made it through. I need to go back to that place if I want my readers to go there with me.

This is going to be really effing hard, folks. Please pray for me, that God would continue to give me courage to rip open these wounds in order to write these words. These words that only He can give me. Because He has called me to share my story, and it is my understanding that He equips those whom He calls.