You’ll never believe what I just did. I uninstalled Farmville 2 (gasp!) from my phone. Again. That stupid game just sucks me in. I had reinstalled it after going without for awhile, thinking I could handle it, but apparently I can’t. I hate to compare it to serious addictions to substances like alcohol or drugs, but I really do just need to say no. No, no, NO. When it’s there it takes over my thoughts. 24/7. It’s flippin’ ridiculous. I find myself wasting all kinds of time, all of which is essentially Free Time for me, and leaving me at the end of the day in a puddle of regret. Because I believe my time is a gift, and I am wasting it. I could be (should be?) interacting with my kids, praying for my friends, letting the dog out, unpacking, calling my mom for Pete’s sake!
So tomorrow we start again. Again. And hopefully this time I will prove to myself that I can remain strong and abstain from the life-sucking, time-wasting ridiculous farming game. One day at a time, Mindy. One. Day. At. A. Time.
I had one busy weekend, and while I would love to tell you all about it now, I must be responsible and get to bed before midnight. Oh, I can almost literally hear my bed calling my name.
Nah, it’s probably just the tinnitus…
Kind of a day to remember in the cochlear implant journey. Today I had my stitches taken out. Woo. Hoo. And now I can *gently* take a shower. I still have the bending and lifting restrictions for two more weeks, but I’m finding ways to work around them. Mike reattached the arm to my glasses, so I’m good there. Just need my hair to grow back behind my ear and I should be all back to “normal”.
The next step in this journey is to turn the thing on. Which will happen in 31 days. Four and a half weeks. Once we are introduced, I plan to purchase a skin or two to decorate it. Paisley, Wonder Woman, Detroit Tigers, etc.
Oh, and then? Then the mapping (programming) begins, and I take regular trips to the audiologist to get the thing trained to work with my brain. From what I hear (lol), it can take a good six months to be comfortable with it and feel like I’m hearing somewhat normally.
The doctor sent me home today with an appointment card for November. So come next winter, we’ll be talking about a second surgery to get an implant behind the left ear. Which seems impossible to think of right now, but oh well. We just keep moving forward, don’t we?
I don’t have much else on my mind lately, but I expect that’s just a result of the recent craziness of surgery and throwing birthday parties. I’ve been reading a really old book called Waiting On God, and it’s been interesting. Talks about *how* to wait, and the purpose and importance of it. I like it. I’m also reading Jesus At Walmart – The Cost, which is the second book in a trilogy. It has some dialog that is comically unrealistic, but I like the story and the spiritual content, and that’s why I decided to continue reading after I finished the first book.
Other than all that, I’m enjoying watching baseball. It’s the only thing on television I am able to enjoy without hearing. I can see what’s happening, who is playing, what the score is, etc. It’s very nice. And it doesn’t hurt that my Tigers are rockin’ it so far this season!
In August of last year, I started suffering from tinnitus (ringing in the ears). I went to see my primary physician, and they referred me to a local ENT office (ear, nose, & throat). They were able to see me rather quickly, within a few short days. However, in these few short days I lost my hearing. It was that quick.
I should give some background since this is the start of a new blog. I am 36 years old, been married 15 years, and have two children. Luke is 6, and Natalie is 4. When I was pregnant with Natalie, I was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis (MS). I did quite well with it for several years, but this past year has certainly been the hardest.
I still have severe bilateral hearing loss, but in addition, I have some vision loss. I started having problems with the vision in September, but it has since improved some and found sort of a holding place. It’s difficult to describe how things look now, but I’ll try. I can see some things very clearly, but I have a sort of oblong white cloud on the left side. Also, colors are very distorted. I can recognize some bright colors like red or pink, as long as they aren’t terribly light. If they are surrounded by too much light, they are completely washed out. I need high contrast in order to distinguish objects or faces. I am able to read, but it is very tiring as I have to concentrate intently on keeping my place on the page. I do most of my reading on the computer or my Kindle Fire with high contrast settings or white lettering on a dark background.
That last bit was somewhat of a rabbit trail. I’ll have plenty of time to explain things here on the blog, but I wanted to explain where the title, “Still Mindy” came from.
When I first lost my hearing I was really struggling with my new identity as a deaf person, and was struggling to have hope that it was only temporary. I was talking with my dad about it, and he encouraged me by reminding me that, deaf or hearing, I am still Mindy. That really struck a cord with me, and I held onto it. I even used it to give myself my ASL (American Sign Language) name. So the first explanation for the name is that I will always remain true to who I am, no matter what.
The second part of the explanation is even more exciting, in my opinion. This whole experience has led me to a deeper relationship with my Savior, Jesus Christ. I have been clinging to Him throughout it all. For many months it was dynamic, and He was speaking o me and teaching me new things. And then it stopped. I knew He was still there, but He wasn’t saying anything. I kept praying and begging for a word, and then one day it came. He said in Exodus 14:14 that He is fighting for me, and I need to hold my peace. I didn’t think anything of it, but then the next day the same verse came to me through an entirely different format. It’s been a couple of months and I keep asking what I should be *doing*, and He just keeps telling me to BE STILL.
So. I am still Mindy, and I am learning to be still, in God’s presence and peace. And along the way, I’ll be sharing what I’m learning, what makes me laugh, what makes me cry, and I hope that you will join me and let it bless you!