Lest you think it’s all sunshine and roses with me, I’ll share that I had a bad day yesterday. I was tired and hungry and my emotions were all off kilter and I was a complete jerk to my family. I am sparing you the details, but let’s just say it was not pretty. It’s not the first time of course, but I’ve been having this happen more frequently than I would like. And it makes me feel like a helpless crazy person and that’s just an awful way to feel.
But then my husband talks me out of it, not taking any of my crap, and welcomes me back to earth with open arms.
And then this morning I see this view from my front porch and I am compelled to thank God for another day.
I’ve been trying to get back to reading scripture on a daily basis, and I’m glad I’ve been doing it. It’s a great comfort, and God still uses it to speak to me. This morning I was reading in Jeremiah where it talks about the Israelites and how God was angry with them because of their wickedness. That seems to be a common theme in the Old Testament. But after the weekend I had, it really helped me to know that God understands what I’m feeling. See, my daughter had been wanting a mermaid tail for her birthday. I bought her one, but it wasn’t the exact one that she wanted, or rather it was missing a piece she wanted. She was heartbroken and to be honest, ungrateful. It didn’t help that she was at her birthday party, in front of all her friends. I was really upset with her. Then later that night I was trying to help my son get his football uniform and equipment together for turning in the following day, and I was asking him where things were. He had a friend over, so he didn’t like me interrupting him with these questions and told me to leave him alone. So I let him do his own laundry!
But the point is, I had been pretty upset and down about having two children acting ungrateful, after a week spent doing things for them (chaperoning the school field trip, putting together preparations for the birthday party, cooking, cleaning, etc.). So it was really therapeutic and healing to read this morning, and to know that God can relate to what I was feeling. He knows what it’s like to have ungrateful children, and yet He loves us all just the same.
“Nevertheless, I will bring health and healing to it; I will heal my people and will let them enjoy abundant peace and security. I will bring Judah and Israel back from captivity and will rebuild them as they were before.” Jeremiah 33:6-7
As I’m sitting out on my newly stained deck, enjoying a hot cup of coffee on a gorgeous day, I want so badly to write. To tell you all what I did today, what I did yesterday, how my family is doing. I have so many stories swirling around in my head and I just can’t seem to pick one. So I’m going with the most important for now, and the rest I can just save for later.
I received a really great devotional this morning. It was toying with the idea of tattooing being a sixth love language, which is why it got my attention (both tattoos and love languages intrigue me, more on the latter later). In case you’re curious how the author would come up with such a preposterous idea, I’ll tell you he used the following verse as a reference: Isaiah 49:16 “I have engraved you on the palms of my hands.” And then he went on to explain why God would do something like that.
Instead of making a lame attempt to rewrite the article, I just felt compelled to share the heart of the message. Why would God carve your name on his palm? Because he loves you. Jesus loves you. It gives him great joy to have a constant reminder of you. And that’s all you need to know today. He offers all the grace you need, so striving is futile. Just give it up and rest, Jesus loves you.
I get these daily Upper Room devotionals sent to my email. I For the past couple of months I’ve been deleting them along with the rest of my junk mail, without even opening them to see what the subject of the day was.
Today for some reason I decided to open the email.
The subject? Hearing aids. More specifically, that it is such a gift that we don’t have to have perfect hearing to hear from God. He finds ways to speak to us in all sorts of ways. We just have to be listening. Well, I’m listening now.
I love how God sneaks his way back in to my wandering heart.
Sometimes I wonder if God wants me to share something, and I’ll pray about it, and I’ll journal, and I’ll wait. And then he shows me a Scripture or a sign or I just have a serious prompting in my heart that makes it clear that yes, I should share this. And this is one of those stories.
As I was chatting with a friend Sunday about illness, dark times, and recovery (her dad recently went through quite a bit with a cancer scare), she brought up the time I was so sick I was sleeping all day long. She told me of when she took me for walks to try to wake me up, and specifically a time she took me to Office Max. As we were walking through the store she had to catch me because I fell asleep standing up. This astounded me. I knew it had been bad, but I had no idea how bad. Then another friend joined in the conversation and told me about people visiting in the hospital. Most of the people she listed, I don’t even remember seeing there. It was surreal, hearing these stories and feeling as if they were talking about someone else. It brought me to tears.
So I went home Sunday contemplating all of this. Later that day, Mike affirmed the gravity of the situation when he told me the nights I was in the hospital he wouldn’t sleep – couldn’t sleep – because he was so afraid of losing me. That brought me to tears again, picturing where he was, and what he had to deal with. And it just made me so… so… THANKFUL. And that night I fell asleep praising God for everything; my life, my husband, kids, friends, family.
This morning I read a story of Jesus healing 10 lepers, and in essence it was God answering my question – “should I share?” – Luke 17:14-19 – “When he saw them he said to them, ‘Go and show yourselves to the priests.’ And as they went they were cleansed. Then one of them, when he saw that he was healed, turned back, praising God with a loud voice; and he fell on his face at Jesus’ feet, giving him thanks. Now he was a Samaritan. Then Jesus answered, ‘Were not ten cleansed? Where are the nine? Was no one found to return and give praise to God except this foreigner?’ And he said to him, ‘Rise and go your way; your faith has made you well.’”
So I guess this is me, turning back to praise God with a loud voice and giving thanks to Jesus. He is still in the healing business.
Here’s what I love about God: He shows himself in the timing of things. I don’t even know if that’s Biblical, but it seems to happen for me. Maybe it’s just how He likes to communicate with us who are “type A” and live by their calendars. It certainly sends a clear message to me, that is for sure. April 13th, which was the day 2nd CI surgery was originally scheduled, means nothing to me. And when I was in that hospital bathroom to give them a second sample for testing, I was praying over that cup of pee. You can laugh at that – I did – but it’s true. I was praying that if the surgery was meant to be that day, that He would remove all infection from that cup. And with that prayer, I told God that either way, I was trusting in His timing, not mine.
Well, if you read my last post, you know what happened. It was not to be on April 13th. Much has transpired since that day, so let me try to break it down for you.
- The insurance approval was effective until May 10th, so the surgery was rescheduled for May 8th. My 1st CI was implanted on May 9th, 2014.
- My surgeon wants me to get another urinalysis done one week prior to the surgery.
- I have been taking Vitamin D supplements per my neurologist’s recommendation, and when I finish them I need to get new blood work. I take my last pill this week, which means I need to get the blood work done next week.
- My Tysabri infusions for MS are every 4 weeks, and my next one is due April 29th(next week).
What this means is that my infusion, blood work, and urinalysis, all have come due in the same week, the week prior to my 2nd CI surgery. A 2nd CI surgery that will come one year, almost to the day, after my 1st CI. And! All three procedures/tests can be done at the same building, which makes for seamless Spec-Tran ride scheduling.
All of these things, combined, make this Type-A girl’s heart happy, and assures me that God really is in control. Because I could not have planned it better myself.
Exodus 14:14 – “The Lord will fight for you. You need only to be still.”