Category Archives: God speaks

I’m excited about some things

So I’ve been making some pretty casual prayers for the last couple months about wanting direction from God, where does He want to use me, that kind of thing. But then this past week I made a much more intentional prayer, telling Him I really had a strong desire to be an encouragement to other people and to share with them how I got through such rough times, with God’s help, and how they can too. So I told Him that’s what I was feeling, and asked that He show me where He wants me, where He can use me for His glory. How can I be an encouragement to others when I’m “stuck” here at home most days?

Then I was at my weekly Bible study on Wednesday morning and the leader of the program approached me and asked if I would consider being a group leader next year. What?! I mean, YES! She said I should go home and pray about it, but I explained to her what I had already been praying for, and that this sounded like it was the answer to my prayer. And God is just so cool like that. She and I talked again today, more in depth about what the responsibility entails, and I have to say I’m even more excited. This is going to open up so many more opportunities to build relationships with other women and I get to share my heart, my Jesus, with them.

So that’s going on, and I’m super geeked. Also, I’m still committed to working this ItWorks business even through some bumpy starts. I was replenishing some of my own products and ordering some advertising bling (blender bottle, new purse) and they sent me the wrong stuff and duplicate items and I was tempted to regret the whole decision to be a distributor. BUT, it gave me a chance to interact with their customer service, which was mostly awesome and extremely helpful. And while I’ll never be the gung-ho marketer trying to get you to buy stuff you don’t need, I think this is gonna work. Because I truly love all the products I’ve tried and I’ll be honest and open with anyone who shows interest. So when people come to me with questions – which they have! – I’m happy to point them in my direction. As in – wait for it, here’s my shameless plug – “You can check out my website at stillmindy.itworks.com! Some of my favorites are the Chocolate Greens and the Keto Energy. And I’m a huge fan of the loyal customer program!” – End of shameless plug, moving on…

The other thing I’m excited about is tomorrow I’m running another 5k race! It’s the Mason 5k, and this was my first ever race back in 2016. My son has run it with me every year, but this year he has a baseball tournament so I’m on my own this time. No worries! My friend Staci, who I believe has also run this race every year with me, is joining me again. So fun to run with friends. My 5k PR is 38:34 and I would like to beat that, but given the knee pain I’ve been having, I’m not sure if that’s realistic. I learned the other day that runners over 40 are called “masters athletes”, and that we need longer recovery times, which I haven’t been exactly doing, so I may have screwed my chances by pushing too hard. I’m just going to try and have fun and do my best.

And that, my friends, is your Thursday recap. Hug someone today!

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Madam Sleepsalot

If you’re ever curious about my day to day routine, today is your lucky day. Now that kids are back in school and snow days are hopefully well behind us, I’ve settled into a daily routine. This time around I sort of just go with how my body is feeling, and it’s interesting to me how well this is working.

Every morning I get up at 5:30 with my son, and stay up until 8 when my daughter leaves for the bus stop (her school starts an hour later than his). While the kids are getting ready for school, I’m drinking coffee, reading my Bible, and sometimes eating breakfast (If my stomach is up for it). After the kids are off to school I go back to bed. I don’t set an alarm, I just sleep as long as my body needs to. Some days that’s only an hour or two, some days it’s more. Thursdays I generally sleep much longer because I’m recovering from a full day on Wednesdays, between Bible study in the morning and Financial Peace University at night.

After the morning nap I get up, eat a late breakfast or lunch, and then I get going with that day’s work. This usually includes dishes and laundry, and sometimes paying the bills and running. I’m usually done by 3:00, just before my son gets home from school, and then I can relax with a book or a tv show. Then I start thinking about what to make for dinner. The rest of the evening changes from day to day but in general I’m letting myself relax and enjoy time with family. I’m not stressing about my to do list because I’ve already done the day’s work. The rest can wait until tomorrow.

So you could say I work about 4 hours a day and sleep 10. This seems excessive to me, and the old me would think I was lazy. The new me is learning to understand this is just part of my disability and it’s what my body needs in order to heal and stay healthy.

It’s been really refreshing to be able to establish a routine that allows for a good work/rest balance. I’m getting things done, but I’m working WITH my fluctuating energy levels rather than fighting against them (or giving up altogether, as I have done in the past).

Much of this new attitude has resulted from consistent reminders of the grace God gives us. When I read in Scripture that He tells us to rest and to stop striving, or even to “strive to rest”, I am encouraged to know I’m doing the right thing. Amen? Amen.

You are enough

People like myself, who have been sort of thrust into permanent disability, use a phrase – “finding my new normal”. It refers to the process of acceptance of this new life, this new way of living, and embracing our new challenges and setbacks. For me, it refers to finding a space, figuratively speaking, that feels like home. I’m searching for comfort, for peace of mind, for a mental and emotional state where I can put up my feet and relax and be okay with just being who I am, HOW I am, as is.

This past weekend I was praying during my morning quiet time with Jesus, and I felt God speaking to me a very clear message. “You are enough. You are complete. As you are.” This blew my mind. I didn’t even know how much I needed to hear that, but boy was it a game changer. Up until now I think I’ve sort of been trying to be who I was – despite my limitations – and that’s very frustrating. Futile, in fact. What I believe God is saying to me is that I can be who I am now. That’s it. Warts and all! Just be who I am now. I am enough.

“For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well.” Psalms 139:13-14

I’m sharing this snippet from my personal journal because I want you to know this message is for you too. Wherever you are, however you are, you are enough. Right where you stand. You are enough. Your Creator knows where you are, how you got here, and He’s got you covered. He’s molding you like a potter molds the clay. It might be uncomfortable, painful even, this molding process, but the end result is a beautiful piece of work. You are enough.

“But now, O Lord, you are our Father; we are the clay, and you are our potter; we are all the work of your hand.” Isaiah 64:8

He hears me

Last night as I lay in bed I asked God for help. Nothing fancy. Just that – please help me. I’m feeling lost and unwell and discouraged, and I need your help. Thank you, amen.

And then I got up this morning and read my morning devotional from Our Daily Bread: https://odb.org/2019/01/02/its-good-to-ask/

I don’t think this could have been any more relevant to how I’ve been feeling lately. The scripture alone spoke volumes to my heart. From Psalm 143:4-11: “Therefore my spirit faints within me”, “I stretch out my hands to you; my soul thirsts for you like a parched land.” “I have fled to you for refuge. Teach me to do your will, for you are my God!” (I love the Psalms. I feel like David and I would have been friends.)

To give you some specifics as to why I’ve been feeling down in the dumps – full disclosure is a strength of mine lol – my brain is foggy. My body hurts. I get random pains on my left side, both the sharp kind and the throbbing kind. I’m still sore from a long car ride two days ago, and I’m not sure how long that will last. I slept ten hours last night and I’m still tired. Even after coffee. I don’t remember what “feeling rested” feels like. Sure, part of this may be aging, but more likely all of this is exacerbated by the M.S. Multiple sclerosis has destroyed my nerves and while most days I look just fine, underneath everything is going haywire. And I can deal with the inconvenience, but the permanence scares me. There is no cure. It’s here to stay. But I can decide how I want to look at it. I can decide to live in fear of the unknown of the future, or I can decide to accept how it affects me today and find ways to enjoy life despite it.  I need to choose the latter.

But back to this morning’s message. What I’m learning here is that sometimes we don’t need concrete answers. Sometimes it’s enough comfort to know that we are not alone, and to know that God is listening to our prayers. I am encouraged today. Yes, I’m still in a gray sort of mood, and my body is still not cooperating like I want it to, but there is a light shining through the gray, and that is Jesus. So I’m just going to keep my eyes on Him and trust Him to guide me through to wherever it is He wants me to go. One. Day. At. A. Time.

Distraction

Can I just be honest right now? Because of course, everything else I’ve written on this blog is completely made up.  Just kidding. But seriously. I want to be lazy. I want to abandon my responsibilities and sit, curled up on the couch all day crocheting or reading or playing Farmville. But there’s this nagging voice, and my hunch is that it is the Holy Spirit and I don’t want to admit it, that says I was made for more, and that being lazy is not God’s purpose for me. I know that God places value in rest, that He commands it even, but how do I know when I’m taking it too far? I wish I had a cut and dried prescription that says you need ‘x’ amount of rest on these days, and ‘x’ amount of time you ought to be working. It’s probably true that I need more rest than the average 40 year old woman, since I have MS, but that doesn’t really make this dilemma any easier to solve. I’m in better health than your average woman with MS, so there’s no template for me to go by. Not that I think there should be one. I’m just thinking out loud here.

Journaling is very helpful. It helps me focus, and especially helps because I treat it like a prayer. All of my journaling is really just a conversation between me and God, and He often speaks to me through my journaling. He probably speaks to me a lot more often than that, of course, I just don’t hear it because I’m distracted by everything around me. But when I’m typing, there’s no distraction. I’m entirely focused on the conversation.

So what I feel like God has been whispering to me over the past several months (yes, I’m a slow learner) is that I am too distracted. So I asked for His help and guidance with life and time management and finding a balance between work and rest and all the other stuff I want to do, like writing my book, running, baking cookies and crocheting.

This is so silly, but the biggest distraction I’ve allowed into my life is a little game called Farmville 2. Heard of it? It’s super addictive because there are always things to do, missions to complete, challenges to meet. And it’s fun, but it sucks the life out of you. Or at least it does for me. I’m sure there are people who are able to balance games like this with real life, but I’m not one of them. I am the demographic they built this game for. I know they devote lots of money into research to know how to keep people addicted to their games in the hopes they will spend money, but I never spend money in the game. I am firm about that rule. So the joke’s on them, right? Wrong. Because I have still let it steal hours and hours, days even, of my life. I’ve decided I’m done with it. For good, I hope. Please.

Romans 7:15 ESV “For I do not understand my own actions. For I do not do what I want, but I do the very thing I hate.”

Hebrews 12:1 NIV “Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of our faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.”

I feel better, I think. Last time I uninstalled the game I think I made it a full three days. We’ll see if I can make it longer than that this time. The last time, I hope. Gee whiz.

Cherishing the silence

I’m finding that I do my best thinking when my “ears” are off (my cochlear implant processors). Even at night, when the house is quiet. It’s just a whole different kind of quiet, because all I hear is the low ringing tones of tinnitus and absolutely nothing else. You probably don’t realize there is noise to be heard, but just try plugging your ears for a few seconds and you’ll see what I mean. There’s a word for that noise but I can’t think of it at the moment. Ambient maybe?

What’s funny about me enjoying this silent existence is that it used to terrify me. So much so, that I needed medication just to sleep at night. But 4 years of deafness and now I welcome the silence. It’s helpful to retreat into myself, to focus my thoughts, but mostly I embrace it because it’s now my favorite time to talk to Jesus. He meets me here in the silence. He was here with me every day while I wrestled with hearing loss and vision loss back in 2013, and he’s never left me since. I don’t share this info often, but there was a song I used to sing during that time, over and over and over mostly in my head, and it brought me peace and comfort when not much else did. I’ll post the lyrics below because you might see how unbelievably appropriate it was for what I was going through. The interesting thing about it, no – miraculous – is that prior to losing my hearing, I had only heard that song one time that I can recall. It was in a movie that I watched once years ago. How on earth could I have remembered that song? Only God knows. But boy, did that song ever save me from a really ugly and scary time in my life, and I believe it will now forever be my theme song.

Losing my hearing and vision was an enormous life changer for me, for obvious reasons, but God has used it all to bring about incredibly wonderful changes. The biggest change, and the one I am most grateful for, is that it solidified my faith in Jesus. He showed me through that song, through the support we received from family and friends, through Scripture, through the fact that we survived it all, that He will never leave me.

So. When I’m settling in for the night and am taking off my ears and entering the silence, I am delighted to talk to Him. He is my peace, forever and always, amen.

Jesus, Lover of my Soul

Jesus, lover of my soul

Jesus, I will never let you go

You’ve taken me from the miry clay

Set my feet upon the rock, and now I know

I love you, I need you

Though my world may fall, I’ll never let you go

My Savior, my closest friend

I will worship you until the very end

Two for two

2 Thessalonians 3:16 – “Now may the Lord of peace himself give you peace at all times in every way. The Lord be with you all.”

Having just shoved the kids off to the bus in typical hectic fashion, this verse today is an answer to a prayer I was too frazzled to make. I was frazzled, yes, but I didn’t blow my top today. I was miraculously able to stay calm – ish – and I did not raise my voice. A small victory, indeed.

Also, I’m drinking delicious coffee. Coffee that’s still hot. Miracle number two.