Category Archives: Funny story

The Squeaky Kong

I feel like ‘obsessed’ isn’t enough of a word to cover the intensity with which Piper goes after the squeaky Kong. If you’re not familiar, Kong is a brand of dog toy. We have found that Piper is so skilled at chewing things up, that buying just any old dog toy is a waste. Though I’ll admit, even with some of the Kongs, she’s able to destroy them within a day or so, if we let her.

Last year for Christmas my mom bought a giant Kong shaped like a football and sent it to us. Wrapped in plastic. In a USPS box. We never even opened the box because we were trying to wait until Christmas but she knew better. She could SMELL the Kong. And she obsessed over that box, she sniffed around it, sat and stared at it. She wouldn’t leave it alone. We ended up opening it and let her go crazy, because after all she’s just a dog and there’s no sense trying to teach her a lesson about waiting until Christmas.

When we buy new Kongs, we have to be stealthy about bringing them into the house. We ordered a pack of four this week from Amazon and I made sure to open the box behind closed doors so she wouldn’t know they were there. We figured it wouldn’t hurt to have extras on hand, because she does eventually destroy them. In fact, we gave her the first ball from that pack of four yesterday, and by today she had already managed to remove the squeaker.

On a normal day, sans Kong, Piper settles down in the evening, and is always eager to go to bed by 11 or so, when one of us goes. Not with a squeaky Kong around! If the ball is there, that’s all she cares about. She’s not trying to go to bed. If she has access to the ball, she’s bouncing it around and chewing on it. When we lock the ball up in another room (as we quickly found to be necessary if anyone wanted rest in this house), she’s sitting at the door, glancing back at us in anticipation. When one of us gets up in the middle of the night, she’s up and eagerly waiting for us to give her the ball. She’s ready at all hours to play with that Kong.

This obsession of hers is a running joke in our house now, and we get quite a lot of laughs out of it. Yeah, it’s annoying because the dang thing squeaks, but we know she’s happy, and that’s all that really matters.


Dogs and delivery drivers

Our dog Piper loves loves loves to meet new people. She’s what I call “aggressively friendly”. When anyone comes to the door, she’s right there yapping and jumping like the crazy dog she is.

Today the UPS driver came to pick up a package we were returning to Amazon, so I had to wiggle through the front door to give him the box. The entire time Piper was jumping at the glass door, just begging to join us. The driver was laughing at her antics and when we were done with our exchange he reached into his pocket and pulled out a dog biscuit! I was so surprised, and I told him thank you. I said she’s really harmless and she’s never bitten anyone, but that the FedEx driver was so scared of her he won’t even come up our driveway.

He said nothing, because maybe he didn’t want to bash the competition, but he gave me a smirky smile that told me he thought that was pretty funny.

I tried to get a picture of her with the biscuit but she scarfed it down too quickly.

Hobbling Along

We are into a new year, 2018, and I’m still hanging on. Hobbling, to be more accurate, but still. Yeah, I ended up going to the urgent care to get my ankle checked out. It was still pretty swollen and in considerable pain from my fall down the stairs after Christmas, especially after Piper the Hyper Dog rammed into it running after her ball. Definitely dropped a real fudge bomb there. And it was so loud my son came running up from the basement to see what had happened. Both the kids were downstairs and heard it plain as day. I won’t even apologize for that one. That was some serious pain and with zero warning. Anyway, I didn’t break anything but it is sprained. I’m wearing a brace on it throughout the day to help keep me from bending it as I go up and down the stairs (which is all day long, ugh). The swelling has gone down, mostly, and the pain is not as bad, so I just have to ride this out. And remember to be a lot more careful on stairs from now on. 


My husband says I get hurt more often than anyone he knows. I’m not sure if that’s true, but I certainly get hurt more than at least my immediate family. Christmas morning I burned my fingers. I was taking a pan of bacon out of the oven when I knocked off the oven thermometer. So of course I let my instinct to move it with my bare hand take over, and that lasted all of a half second before I dropped everything where I stood and proceeded to spew fudge words under my breath as I ran to the freezer to find cold things. Burns are the most painful things ever, y’all. All dern day I had to keep my fingers on ice or they would start screaming at me. So basically I was relieved of most of my planned kitchen duties, other than putting away clean dishes with my one good hand. Thank goodness my mother-in-law was there to save the day.

Then today I went to the hospital to have my monthly Tysabri infusion. All went well with the infusion, but then as I was rushing down the stairs to be sure my ride didn’t leave without me, I miscalculated the number of steps and fell down the last one or two. I’m not sure, it all happened so fast, but I think it must have been the last two steps that I missed because I twisted my ankle real good and I fell hard. I dropped everything I was holding as I went down, of course, and just laid there, afraid to move. I was looking up to see if anyone would come to help me get up. Two people across the way just stood and stared, but then eventually I was surrounded by employees from the building. A nurse offered to have me stay and get the ankle checked out, and a valet driver brought me a wheelchair. Even my paratransit driver came inside looking for me, and was able to help me into the van. I really wish I had the whole thing on tape because I think it would give everyone a good laugh. Graceful I am not.

It’s now several hours later and I’m wondering if I should have taken that nurse up on her offer to stay and get the ankle checked out. I kept my leg elevated the whole drive home and then I’ve iced the ankle periodically throughout the day, but my it is still pretty swollen and I can’t bend it. Ah, I guess I’ll just give it a little more time and rest and hopefully it will heal up on its own.

Adventures in low vision

I’ve been starting to wear my contact lenses again. They don’t have the glare protection I have with my glasses so I don’t see quite as well with them, but it’s a worthy trade off. With my contacts I feel much less inhibited, which is of great value when you have low vision and hearing impairment. That and it kind of allows me to tuck my hair behind my ears, which is a habit I regretfully had to give up when I got my cochlear implants. Between the earpieces and my eyeglasses, there was just no room for my hair.

I recently went back to the eye doctor to update my prescription so I could order more contacts and I asked them if it would be a problem to just wear one contact. My visual field index in my right eye is 27%. Meaning out of an entire area normal eyes can see, I am unable to see 73% of it with that eye. Which makes it kind of a useless eye, in my opinion, so I don’t feel justified in paying for a contact for that eye. The 27% I do see has clearer vision anyway, and can get away without corrective lenses.

I wear colored contacts that pretty well match my eye color, and that is just to prevent me from losing the contacts altogether. I have a hard enough time seeing things without contrast, so when I drop a clear contact, it’s nearly impossible to find.

All that to say, if you see me out and about and I’m not wearing eyeglasses, take a real close look and see if you can tell which eye has the contact in it. The ladies at the eye doctor assured me it was a pretty close match (although one of them thought it would be “cool” to have two different colored eyes), so I’m trusting they were being honest. Because I’m fairly colorblind and can’t tell for myself.

If anyone is really interested in this visual field index stuff and knows how to do the math, maybe you could tell me how much total vision I have with both eyes combined. Left eye sees 51%, right eye sees 27%, so with that means… what? That it’s a good thing they don’t let me drive anymore? That’s all I can say for sure!

I was gonna end the post there, but I just remembered a funny thing I did today, to give you a glimpse of life with me and my crummy eyes (my family is unnervingly unphased by it by now). Tonight I was making scrambled eggs for the family and I grabbed an almost empty carton from the fridge to add milk to the egg mixture. I knew as soon as I started pouring that I had grabbed the wrong carton. What I thought was the last of the milk was actually the last of the apple cider. Oy. I went with it though, cuz I didn’t figure it was going to hurt anyone, and I don’t think I poured enough to really alter the flavor. Crap like this seems to happen to me on a fairly regular basis, but I have to laugh or else I would cry. Life goes on, right?

We call this an ouchie wah-wah

So thanks to my poor vision, I guess, I ran head first into my daughter’s loft bed. Again. This time super duper hard. So I think I’m gonna have a major goose egg on my forehead by morning. We need to put up a sign that says in bold, high contrast colors, “DUCK!!” Which, coincidentally, rhymes with the word I would have said had my daughter not been right there to witness my stupidity.

Can we just start over now?

Grooming the garden

Okay, it’s not a garden. I just use that word for alliteration’s sake. The boys are away at a baseball game and the girls opted to stay home. When Natalie asked if she could go next door to help her friend pull weeds, it reminded me that I had been wanting to trim the front bushes. And since it’s evening, and the sun sets on the back of the house, I decided now was a good time. But halfway through she came back over to help me finish up, so I had to get a photo! Cuz that’s a good way to help make the memory stick.

Speaking of memory, and as a sidenote, I met with my neurologist earlier this week. She addressed my concerns and asked if I had anything else to discuss or ask about. I said no. Later that day, it occurred to me that there was one concern I forgot to mention: the fact that I occasionally have trouble with my short term memory. Ha! The irony there, l tell ya. Can’t take me anywhere, is what I say.

Anyhoo, hope y’all are enjoying the summer so far. Stay cool!