Category Archives: Family

Mason 5k 2018

Last Friday my son and I ran a 5k in our town. It’s our 3rd year in a row running this race and we love it! It’s kind of a small town thing, so you end up seeing a lot of familiar faces. I love this race. The picture on the left is us right before we started. I don’t have one of us post-race, but I can assure you we were both smiling. He had so much fun running he went and joined the other kids in the 1 mile run. That second picture is a picture a woman from our church took and I just love it. If I ever need a reminder of why I’m doing all this running, that picture says it all. Pure pride and joy on my face right there.

I wore my new DeafBlind running vest and it really did make me feel more confident and safe. Although it kept riding up because I’m apparently too small for it, so I need to get that figured out for future races. My dear friend Staci joined me for the race and she decided she was going to stay right by my side for the entire thing, so that was a huge comfort as well. I’m kind of a loner when it comes to running and I get hyper-focused, and I think she is similar in that way so it was nice for her to be there. We were both running alone, together!

I got a slow start training for this race because of my sprained ankle, so it didn’t go as well as races in the past have. I had a lot of problem with bodily functions, and with my left foot dragging. Around the 2nd mile I had a really sharp pain in my right shoulder and I tried to stop and walk to let it rest, but I wasn’t able to keep my foot from dragging and I kept losing my balance, so I just had to push through the pain jogging until it went away about halfway through the last mile. It’s strange and interesting to me that I have better balance running than I do walking.

I still really want to run a 10k in the fall, and I know that MS fatigue is going to be my biggest obstacle to overcome if I am ever going to be able to accomplish that. When my body gets fatigued, the nerves go haywire and it’s not good. So I’m looking into strength training (i.e. Crossfit) so that I can run for longer without my body getting so fatigued.

Overall I’m still feeling really great physically. My mental state is improving as well. I suppose you could say this year’s theme is recovery and strength. And FUN. Oh, I have so much more to share but I hate to lump it all into one post so we’ll cap this here and move on to the next subject very soon!

 

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April 30

What shall we talk about today, friends?

Baseball season has begun for my son and husband (he is a coach for the team). Their first tournament was last weekend and the girls didn’t go because it was ridiculous cold and windy and we are wimps about that. So we stayed home and my daughter watched YouTube for 38 hours while I played around in the kitchen making delicious vegan food.

Dance is in full swing for my daughter as they prepare for their recital in June. I received an information packet about all that is required for the recital and OH EM GEE am I overwhelmed! There is a dress rehearsal and requirements for hair and makeup and this is so out of my comfort zone. I was never in dance and I don’t wear makeup (much). I don’t own eyeliner or lipstick, so how am I gonna know how to put it on my daughter?? I don’t know, but I definitely plan to enlist some help on this one.

I have to mention that lately I am obsessed with this vegan cashew “mozzarella”. It is so easy to make and super duper yummy. I add it to everything I can think of, but my favorite use for it is grilled cheese sammiches! My husband will tell you I make the best grilled cheese sandwiches, and I won’t deny his assessment. I make a lot of them, and I’m always really sad that I can’t eat them, because YUM. But now, with this cheese? I’m in sandwich heaven! I also bought little mini pizza crusts and sauce so I can make my own little veggie pizzas at home. With cheese! So that’s what’s on the menu for today and my tummy is growling just telling you about it.

I’ve been running, sporadically. I have a 5k I’m running with my son Friday night so I had to be sure I’m prepared for it. I don’t think I’ll beat prior years’ times, but I’ll be happy if I can finish in under 40 minutes. I ran a full 3 miles today and dang, why is that 3rd mile so much harder than the first two? But I didn’t fall. My left foot was dropping a little, but not nearly as bad as it’s done in the past. I did have nerve pain in my feet but thankfully I didn’t notice it until I was finished with the run.

I always have some anxiety at these races because strangers don’t know that I’m disabled. So if people are trying to get my attention by yelling or waving, it’s not gonna work. I’ve been bumped around during races because people assume I can see to get out of their way, or hear them coming to move aside. So I bought a reflective running vest that says “Deaf Blind”. It’s really bright and in big block letters so there’s no way I won’t be noticed. I feel a little weird about wearing it at the race but I have to convince myself that it WILL make me feel safer, and that’s all that matters. Maybe I’ll even run a little faster, knowing that I’m safer. I guess we’ll see.

Anyhoo, I’m sure there’s more I’m forgetting but I’ll leave it here for now. I’m gonna go make me some vegan pizza! 🙂

Winning-ish

Still fighting back that depression. I’m better though. I’m not sleeping excessively. I take naps when I need them, but I think about it first when the urge comes. Does my body need rest or am I just trying to escape a dark feeling? If I determine I’m just wanting to sleep to escape, I go the other way. I pick from my list of “pick-me-ups” and go from there. Drink water. Have a snack. Get dressed. Wash my face. Text my mom. These things help to serve as a way to sort of reset and redirect. And it’s working. Every day I’m standing a little taller and am feeling a bit lighter.

My brother and sister and I went out a week or so ago to celebrate my birthday. It’s a tradition we used to have, where we all met for the other’s birthday. The birthday guest picks the restaurant, the other two pay the bill. We had let the tradition slide for many years but we recently decided to pick it up again. We went out for drinks after dinner and talked for hours. It was wonderful. The three of us share a pretty special bond because our parents divorced when we were very young. Through all the changes that situation involved, the three of us were the constant. We always had each other. And I am so thankful that’s still true.

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While out for drinks with my siblings we talked about running. They are both avid runners, having run 5ks to marathons, ultra-marathons, Ragnars, you name it. And I admire them both, and look to them for encouragement and inspiration. I want to be a runner. I don’t love running the way they do, but I love the satisfaction that comes at the end of a good run. I love that I am able to run. I find it worth doing. I say all that, but I had not been running regularly since I sprained my ankle just after Christmas. My ankle is fine now, so I don’t know what I have been waiting for. However, today I managed to get myself on the treadmill. I walked/jogged for 40 minutes. My body hated it, of course, having had a solid three months to loaf around. But I continued moving until I reached my goal time. See, I want to work up my endurance so that I can run a 10k race this fall with my brother and sister. I am not sure if my body will let me do it, but I’m gonna put it to the test anyway. I’m going to keep working up my endurance as far as I can go. Let my body tell me I can’t do it.  When I think about actually running a 10k I don’t really feel up to the challenge, but I’m taking it in steps. After all, there was a time not long ago when I thought I would never run, period. Today I moved for 40 minutes. By next week maybe I will be able to do 50, and maybe next month I’ll be able to run for 90. We shall see.

I do expect and hope that getting back to regular exercise will help finish off this depression once and for all. I know it should help my pants to fit a little better, and how can that not make me happy, right??

I suck at consistently writing

Did I really just go an entire month without even thinking about blogging? So much has happened, I don’t even know how to update you properly.

I’ll say I do believe the unplanned hiatus was a result of the medication I’m now on for anxiety. It starting working right away, but I discovered it was actually working a little too well. I went from being anxious about every possible thing, to not caring about much at all. Even the important stuff. So a few days ago I started taking half a dose, and that seems to be working out well. I’m caring again but I’m not having panic attacks, and that makes me very happy. I’m praying that I’ve found the right balance and look forward to moving on with my life.

My daughter turned 8 a couple weeks ago. My precious baby girl is 8. She’s growing up too fast for me. I just need her to slow down. She is currently obsessed with unicorns and animal print – two things I have zero interest in or experience with, so I’m sort of watching her from afar, in awe of her sense of self and unashamed quirkiness. I know she’ll look back on these days and wonder what she could have been thinking and ask me why I didn’t forbid her from making these disastrous fashion choices, and I cannot wait for that day. I was her age during the 80’s, so I have plenty of those groan-worthy memories to look back on.

We threw a party to celebrate right here at the house, with a handful of Natalie’s friends from school and the neighborhood, both old and new. The girls gave themselves Jamberry manicures and ate unicorn cake and rainbow sherbet. Then at the end we had time leftover so the girls put together a fairly rowdy game of Simon Says. It was really something to be on the outside, seeing her in her element and enjoying spending time with her friends. She just seemed so grown up, so “Eight.” It’s one of those days I hope I never forget.

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In other news, I went to a new audiologist today to update the programming of my cochlear implants. While the audiologist I had been seeing was nice and all, we never felt like she really knew much about the technology for my implants. I think she probably dealt more with hearing aids. With my last programming, my husband was positive that it was a big change in the wrong direction, and that I ought to find a new audiologist. Well, I finally did and it certainly paid off. The office only services people with cochlear implants, so that is their specialty. We knew as soon as we walked in that we were in the right place. The visit took a solid two hours but it was thorough and I left feeling a ton more confident about my hearing level and speech recognition. Exhausted, but confident. I’m looking forward to the days ahead, for every opportunity to hear all the typical sounds in a new way with this new and improved programming. Technology truly is a wonderful thing.

Adventures in low vision

I’ve been starting to wear my contact lenses again. They don’t have the glare protection I have with my glasses so I don’t see quite as well with them, but it’s a worthy trade off. With my contacts I feel much less inhibited, which is of great value when you have low vision and hearing impairment. That and it kind of allows me to tuck my hair behind my ears, which is a habit I regretfully had to give up when I got my cochlear implants. Between the earpieces and my eyeglasses, there was just no room for my hair.

I recently went back to the eye doctor to update my prescription so I could order more contacts and I asked them if it would be a problem to just wear one contact. My visual field index in my right eye is 27%. Meaning out of an entire area normal eyes can see, I am unable to see 73% of it with that eye. Which makes it kind of a useless eye, in my opinion, so I don’t feel justified in paying for a contact for that eye. The 27% I do see has clearer vision anyway, and can get away without corrective lenses.

I wear colored contacts that pretty well match my eye color, and that is just to prevent me from losing the contacts altogether. I have a hard enough time seeing things without contrast, so when I drop a clear contact, it’s nearly impossible to find.

All that to say, if you see me out and about and I’m not wearing eyeglasses, take a real close look and see if you can tell which eye has the contact in it. The ladies at the eye doctor assured me it was a pretty close match (although one of them thought it would be “cool” to have two different colored eyes), so I’m trusting they were being honest. Because I’m fairly colorblind and can’t tell for myself.

If anyone is really interested in this visual field index stuff and knows how to do the math, maybe you could tell me how much total vision I have with both eyes combined. Left eye sees 51%, right eye sees 27%, so with that means… what? That it’s a good thing they don’t let me drive anymore? That’s all I can say for sure!

I was gonna end the post there, but I just remembered a funny thing I did today, to give you a glimpse of life with me and my crummy eyes (my family is unnervingly unphased by it by now). Tonight I was making scrambled eggs for the family and I grabbed an almost empty carton from the fridge to add milk to the egg mixture. I knew as soon as I started pouring that I had grabbed the wrong carton. What I thought was the last of the milk was actually the last of the apple cider. Oy. I went with it though, cuz I didn’t figure it was going to hurt anyone, and I don’t think I poured enough to really alter the flavor. Crap like this seems to happen to me on a fairly regular basis, but I have to laugh or else I would cry. Life goes on, right?

Winner, winner

Okay, so one of the things I had been struggling with is the fact that I can’t really share meals with my family the way I used to. I come from an extended family full of food lovers, and we do our bonding and make our best memories over a meal. So not sharing evening meals with my own immediate family was affecting me more than I had anticipated.

I don’t expect them to eat what I eat, and I don’t even have the desire to try to convince them to. I know it would be a futile effort. It’s certainly not something I came into overnight, so I couldn’t expect that of them. I did come up with an idea however, and that was to serve one fully vegan meal per week, one they would be most likely to enjoy. I ran the idea past them a few nights ago and while the kids were immediately against it, my husband was on board. That alone surprised me, but then he went a step further and told the kids he thought that since I do so much for them and I make compromises all the time, that they should be willing to do this for me. And then they all agreed, and I was in heaven. It was so nice to have their support in this. Not to mention, I fell in love with my husband all over again, for stepping up like that.

Anyhoo… ever since, I’ve been trying to find some easy vegan recipes that aren’t too off the wall for them, and I’m coming up rather short so far. Because they are mostly super picky eaters. I only plan to do one meal a week, so I’m not terribly worried. I’m sure between Pinterest and a good old fashioned Google search I’ll find plenty.

Tonight was the first night we tried an an all vegan meal. In order to ease them into this, and to show that I’m not just trying to introduce them to a bunch of foreign foods (think seitan and tempeh), I served waffles with strawberries and whipped cream, with fresh red grapes on the side. Waffles made with almond milk and egg replacer, and coconut whipped cream. They loved it, and we all agreed that it was delicious! I had never had the coconut whipped cream before, and I dare say it tastes better than the dairy version. Winner, winner, vegan dinner.

Oh, and also today I had a visual field test at my neuro-ophthalmologist’s office and it turns out my eyes have both improved! I can now see 51% with my left eye and a whopping 27% with my right.

It’s safe to say that today was a really good day. Tomorrow is infusion day, so I’ll get to relax in their new heated seats and sip coffee and read a book. I’m livin’ a glamorous life, folks. Envy me. I dare you.

It’s always good to be home

The kids and I went camping last week with my dad’s church family. It’s something the kids have been doing every summer for the past four or five years. This was my dad’s last year to be able to go, because he is retiring next June. So there was a lot of bittersweet floating around. However, I and the kids have been invited back for future years, since they have especially bonded with a lot of the kids there. We had a lot of fun. The kids swam, rode bikes, played gaga ball (??), went kayaking (my favorite part, may write a separate post about that), and played tug of war in the river. Lots of great memories.

My legs are in shambles. Good, old fashioned muscle pain from all the walking, I suppose. I walked constantly for the whole trip and I came back home to find I had gained 5 pounds. Seriously. I guess I forgot to mention there was a lot of eating as well!

I also woke up this morning with considerable nerve pain in my feet, which is unusual for the morning. It usually only comes around in the evening. I guess my body is just paying the toll for all the fun we had. I am more than okay with that. Just gonna keep moving forward anyway, with small breaks in between. No need to rush.

Speaking of waking up this morning… my husband woke me up to let me know that the refrigerator wasn’t working, and that he needed me to move the food to the fridge in the basement. He was on his way out the door to work but he is hoping to come back at some point to fix it. We’ll see. I’m just really grateful that we have a second fridge for these sorts of occasions. So that was my first task of the day, and I’m definitely going to take advantage of an empty fridge to get it all wiped out. There are lots of sticky spots and who knows what’s in those nooks and crannies.

The kids are happy to be home. The dog is happy we’re home. Hubby is really happy we’re home. Waking up on a Monday in our own beds is surely something to be thankful for, no matter what the day has in store for us. And coffee, of course.