Still fighting back that depression. I’m better though. I’m not sleeping excessively. I take naps when I need them, but I think about it first when the urge comes. Does my body need rest or am I just trying to escape a dark feeling? If I determine I’m just wanting to sleep to escape, I go the other way. I pick from my list of “pick-me-ups” and go from there. Drink water. Have a snack. Get dressed. Wash my face. Text my mom. These things help to serve as a way to sort of reset and redirect. And it’s working. Every day I’m standing a little taller and am feeling a bit lighter.
My brother and sister and I went out a week or so ago to celebrate my birthday. It’s a tradition we used to have, where we all met for the other’s birthday. The birthday guest picks the restaurant, the other two pay the bill. We had let the tradition slide for many years but we recently decided to pick it up again. We went out for drinks after dinner and talked for hours. It was wonderful. The three of us share a pretty special bond because our parents divorced when we were very young. Through all the changes that situation involved, the three of us were the constant. We always had each other. And I am so thankful that’s still true.
While out for drinks with my siblings we talked about running. They are both avid runners, having run 5ks to marathons, ultra-marathons, Ragnars, you name it. And I admire them both, and look to them for encouragement and inspiration. I want to be a runner. I don’t love running the way they do, but I love the satisfaction that comes at the end of a good run. I love that I am able to run. I find it worth doing. I say all that, but I had not been running regularly since I sprained my ankle just after Christmas. My ankle is fine now, so I don’t know what I have been waiting for. However, today I managed to get myself on the treadmill. I walked/jogged for 40 minutes. My body hated it, of course, having had a solid three months to loaf around. But I continued moving until I reached my goal time. See, I want to work up my endurance so that I can run a 10k race this fall with my brother and sister. I am not sure if my body will let me do it, but I’m gonna put it to the test anyway. I’m going to keep working up my endurance as far as I can go. Let my body tell me I can’t do it. When I think about actually running a 10k I don’t really feel up to the challenge, but I’m taking it in steps. After all, there was a time not long ago when I thought I would never run, period. Today I moved for 40 minutes. By next week maybe I will be able to do 50, and maybe next month I’ll be able to run for 90. We shall see.
I do expect and hope that getting back to regular exercise will help finish off this depression once and for all. I know it should help my pants to fit a little better, and how can that not make me happy, right??
Just real quick folks, I’m checking in to let you know today I am committing to every day – every day – starting with two things before everything else. One – time with God, praying and reading the Bible. Two – 30 minutes of exercise, walking, running, sit-ups, whatever. Those two things, in that order, must be completed before I do anything else each day. So if I know I have plans for the day that could interfere, then I just have to get up a little earlier to make room for those two things. Gah! We’ll see how this goes. This is certainly not the first time I’ve tried to get back to basics and keep these priorities in my life (well maybe for the first item, the second one is a more recent addition). So I’m not telling you because it’s new, but I’m telling you because if I post it here maybe I’ll remember that it’s here and that I made the commitment.
I think this will help me. I have been storing up a lot of anxiety lately over all of the details. Piddly little details, and I’m all worked up over them. So I’m just trying to get centered. Again.
Today I’ve completed those first two, even after going back to bed for the majority of the morning, and now I’m onto the next. Toilets to be cleaned, floors to be vacuumed. And I’m sporting my phone on my arm like a runner so I can groove to my techno station. Gotta make it fun, people!
Oh, and coffee. Another cup of coffee is in the works.
Wait, I forgot to mention – today my son turned 10!! That’s a really big deal (at least it is for him, and I still remember turning double digits myself) and I totally ignored it with this post, didn’t I? I think I’m supposed to share a nice photo and a story of his birth, or something like that, but nah, forget “supposed to”. We have celebrations planned for him, dinner with the family tonight and a party on Sunday. So I’m sure you’ll hear more about it from me soon enough.
Now back to the toilet business. *Focus, Mindy, focus.*
Happy Monday!! I was feeling pretty grumpy yesterday but I’m feeling a little better today. I went to the YMCA first thing this morning, after the kids were on the bus. I really, really love the elliptical machine. It’s able to work so many muscles in my legs in a much shorter time than walking or running does. So I’m getting a better workout, and I’m not overheating or getting fatigued. Well, I do get a little fatigued, and I have to be very careful getting off the machine and walking back to the locker rooms (next time I’ll bring my cane). I feel weird having to literally pick up my leg to remove it from the machine, and then hobbling across the room. It just seems backwards, that I would be able to exercise fine, but then have trouble simply walking to the locker rooms. But I see lots of people walking around with canes there, so I don’t feel self-conscious about it. Granted, those people with canes are much older than I am, but that’s ok. MS has only taken bits and pieces, so I’m happy to keep working with what’s left.
And now This. This is why I’m straightening my hair. The longer it gets, the less curl it can hold. My hair is thick and heavy, and those curls, while I do love them, just can’t stand up to the weight. Not that I tried to help it along today, as I tend to do with mousse, but even with that the curl seems to fall quicker and quicker. Now that I have the hair at my implant sites shaved short, I’m able to wear my hair down without it knocking the magnets off. So it’s nice, but it was funny to see what my hair was doing when I walked past a mirror. And that is why I snapped a photo, so you all could share in the laughter! I suppose it’s not super crazy, just different I guess. I’m not used to seeing myself with my hair down. Ever since my cochlear implant surgeries, I’ve been wearing it in the same half-ponytail: every day, basically, for the past two years. It gets SOOO boring. Bleh.
Y’all, I’ve got barbecue ribs in the crockpot for dinner! They are gonna be so yummy and I just can’t wait. What are you having for dinner?