All posts by Still Mindy

Forty-something, married with two kids and a dog. Living every day to the fullest with multiple sclerosis, impaired vision, and deafness. Couldn't make it without my Savior, Jesus Christ!

Answer to prayer

I just have to share the exciting progress of God’s miraculous healing of my vision (the nerve damage the Mayo Clinic told me was permanent)

Two days ago I realized I have trouble finding the cloudy blind spot I’ve had on my left side. Today I was able to fully see Max Scherzer’s different colored eyes, which I wasn’t able to see a month ago! Yahoo! Praise God!

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Heavy burden for a 4 year old

My daughter just came to me, crying, and said that she didn’t want to die. I asked her why she thought she was gong to die, and she said, “from getting old over and over and over”.

Well, I suppose that is the most common way to die. However, usually it’s the older folk who are more worried about that. She must be an old soul.

I did reassure her that there is good news. The first being that she is rather young, and she has a long ways to go, and getting old over and over and over takes a very long time. That didn’t seem to help much, so I gave her the other good news, that people living with Jesus in their hearts get to live forever and ever, even after their bodies give out. And, since she knows she has Jesus living in her heart, she was very happy to hear about that. I don’t think she wants to go there quite yet, but she did agree heaven sounded pretty nice. And I reassured her Jesus is with her even right now, and she thought that was pretty cool too.

Dreams and Memories

For the past month or so, I am realizing that I cannot remember hearing. I keep recalling memories from further back than ten months (when I lost my hearing), and they are different. I remember them as a deaf person, and then I am confused as I realize they happened before I went deaf. I can’t remember the voices of the people I was with, and I can’t remember listening to what they were saying. It’s like the memory has been altered, and now I remember sitting in silence. Yet, somehow I knew what was being discussed in each memory, but have no recollection of how I knew. That, I suppose, is the weirdest part. It’s sort of like a dream.

I’m just hoping that the memory of my family’s and friend’s voices is still lodged somewhere in the recesses of my brain, so that once my cochlear implant is turned on, I will able to hear them and recognize them again, just as it was before. It’s scary, because it’s getting harder and harder to remember as time goes on. I pray for God to give me dreams while I sleep, dreams in which I can hear them again. It hasn’t really happened yet, but I will be thankful when it does. I do have dreams where I can hear, but the people are usually acquaintances or people I knew from long ago.

The last dream I remember having was strange. I was home alone, and I opened a door to a room and in it were three cats. Two were cats we once had, Pele and Buster Brown, and the third was a white cat I had never seen before. I panicked a little because they had seemingly appeared out of nowhere. So I managed to remove the white cat from the house, and locked Pele and Buster back in the room. As I scurried to figure out what to do, I picked up the phone to call my friend, Sarah, but before she could answer I woke up from the dream. Only I was still sleeping. So it was a dream within a dream. And no human voices. I don’t even think I heard the cats’ meow. Very strange.

The last good memory I have from just before I went deaf is when we all went up to Marquette for the Independence Day holiday. That was such a great time with the kids. I remember all the places we went, and all the fun times we had up there, but I can’t for the life of me remember it with their voices and laughter. When I first lost my hearing, I had a lot of nightmares, and many of them involved our time up in Marquette. That was disheartening, because it was one of my most treasured memories at the time. I think that was one of the ways the devil was attacking me, and I would wake up each time with such fear and panic.

Thankfully, God took hold of those dreams and is protecting me now. God is so good. All the time.

Natalie’s Preschool Graduation

Natalie’s last day of preschool is today, and they held a “graduation” celebration at a local park. We had a blast! The weather was perfect; nice and sunny, and not too warm. Natalie had so much fun playing on the playground that when they were told to come over and sing songs and be presented with their graduation certificates and caps, she immediately got her shorts in a bind. And left them that way for the entire thing. When the kids all stood in a line and sang songs, she stood with her back to all of us (see previous post). Arms crossed, there was no way she was participating. It was funny to see the kids on either side of her doing the motions to the songs, with her standing there so still and resolute. But I have to hand it to her, she is persistently committed.

Here she is pictured with her Chinese teacher, Susan Lao Shi (Ms. Susan). She was an excellent teacher for both Natalie and Luke, and I’ll definitely miss her.  I didn’t get a picture of Natalie’s English teacher, but I’m equally appreciative of Miss Christy. Thank you both for all you do. You are wonderful!

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God shines

I’ve been reading a lot. I prayed for direction from God and He has stirred my heart to read and pray. Strangely, He hasn’t stirred my heart to clean much, but I do it anyway, bit by bit. I am doing much better, physically, but I still need to pay attention when my body tells me to rest. Thankfully my body is pretty clear about that message lately. Today is one of those days. I had plans to do lots of cleaning, but I am so fatigued, even after a good night’s rest and two cups of coffee. We’ll see, it’s still early in the day. Maybe a late morning snooze will help.

I wanted to share some encouragement I came across this morning. This is from the book “Waiting on God”, by Andrew Murray:

“What shall I think of a God that does not shine? No, God shines! God is light! I will take time, and just be still, and rest in the light of God. My eyes are feeble, and the windows are not clean, but I will wait on the Lord. The light does shine, the light will shine in me, and make me full of light. And I shall learn to walk all the day in the light and joy of God.”

May today be a day of joy and blessing!