Toilet Tale #1

Let me tell you a story.

I was up late last night, watching television and reading. Typical stuff. It was almost midnight and I decided I had better get to bed, so I headed into the bathroom just off the kitchen. Before I sat down I noticed the seat had been left up (darn boys) so I put it down. Then I saw that the toilet paper was low. Now in order to get to the package of toilet paper up on the shelf, I always step with one foot on the toilet to give me some leverage. I’m five feet and one whole inch short, so this is a normal thing, climbing on things to reach stuff.

Now remember it’s nearly midnight and my brain is rather fried, but still. What my brain told me was that I had put the lid down, when in reality I had only put down the seat. Do you see where I’m going with this? Can you picture what’s about to happen? I stepped on the toilet to get to the toilet paper, but because the lid was still up, my foot went straight down into the toilet bowl water. I stepped INTO the toilet. Like a moron. And then I just stood there for a few seconds, confused, trying to figure out what to do next. So since I did at least have some leverage, and I’m ever the multi-tasker, I went ahead and grabbed a roll of toilet paper from the shelf, with my foot still in the toilet.

It went something like this:
Step 1 – grab the toilet paper
Step 2 – remove foot from toilet bowl
Step 3 – sit down on seat and pee with one foot in the air
Step 4 – wash hands and foot. Rinse and repeat 1000 times.

The icing on this crap-cake was what happened next. I was laughing at myself while I washed my foot in the bathroom sink like a contortionist ninja, and then opened the door to find a very confused looking dog sitting and staring up at me. She never does this. She had been lying in her doggie bed and apparently heard the commotion and came to my rescue. She couldn’t even appreciate what had happened, but she seemed happy to see me emerging unharmed. I told her all about it and she didn’t even laugh at me. Now isn’t that nice?

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