So, sooo much you guys. It feels like it’s all going a little too fast for me and I can’t believe I’m keeping up. Am I keeping up? I guess I am. I mean, I’m still here, aren’t I? Let’s break this down for my right brain, okay?
- The son is in baseball. The hubby is coaching the baseball. Sometimes the girls go and watch. I love the game of baseball. I used to really love watching. I’m learning to enjoy it differently now. I can’t see the plays, but I can share in the cheering and I get to converse with the other parents when I ask what happened, or who did what on the field.
- The girl was in a dance. Ballet, to be more specific. She performed in a recital and she nailed it. She was stunning and graceful and she brought some people to tears. And when I picked her up afterwards she ran to me, beaming with pride. I had not seen that level of joy coming from her in quite awhile. It was truly magical.
- And then she got sick. She woke up the next day with a super high temperature, that just wouldn’t go away. We took her to the doctor, received a semi-firm diagnosis and a prescription for antibiotics, and now it’s just the waiting game. She has little energy which is fine because her body needs the rest in order to heal and fight, and I’m happy to be waiting on her hand and foot. Because after all, she will always be my baby girl.
- I’ve been running. A lot. And apparently I’m becoming one who loves to run. Seriously. I woke up this morning at 5:30, couldn’t fall back asleep. All I could think about was getting outside and running while the sun rose. So guess what? I did! And it was wonderful. A bit of a chill still left in the air, birds chirping to greet the day, and the sunrise. Oh how I love a good sunrise. It was a really great way to start the day.
- I’m still seeing a therapist. I tried to get out of going by pretending all was fine already, but she reminded me of a few comments I had made that made it pretty clear I could still use the help. The depression is gone, and I am grateful for that. The anxiety, however, is a bit more challenging. Challenging, but not impossible to overcome. The therapist is giving me tools and I’m using them, and it’s helping. I still think everyone should see a therapist at least once in their life. It’s just been extremely USEFUL.
- I’ve been working at developing daily habits. Intentionally. As in, deciding what I want to be sure to do every day, and then keeping track to be sure I’m doing it. There are so many awesome apps for my phone for stuff like this, it took a few days to decide on just one. My list of daily habits is currently: taking medicine, devotional, prayer, meditation, exercise, and laundry. Because laundry always needs to be done, but in taking a different approach to it, I find I dread it less. It’s just become something I do every day, so it doesn’t build up, and if I miss a day, I just pick up the next day where I left off. This seems so trivial to be blogging about laundry but it feels like a huge victory in my little world, so there. I’m trying to work this mindshift magic with vacuuming but it hasn’t quite worked yet.
- I’m doing a lot of crocheting. I finished an afghan for my oldest nephew and started one for my oldest niece. I’m going to make one for each of the nieces and nephews, oldest to youngest. There are twelve total, assuming my youngest sister is done having babies. So, one down, eleven to go. The blanket I make is a very relaxing pattern and works up really nice. I just hope the cousins appreciate having something warm and cozy and handmade with love by their Aunt Mindy.
- Food. I still eat it, I just don’t think about it constantly. I think this is a positive development for me. I’m finding so many other things to focus my time and energy on, and in between I eat yummy food. So there. Life is good.
I just have to say, when you hit 10,000 steps before noon? Feels pretty darn good. But also, I am still going strong with Crossfit and have proof it’s working. Now, I must keep in mind I had started running regularly a little over a month ago, so that could have helped jumpstart this process and possibly why I’ve noticed results so quickly. I don’t expect most people to see results after only 3 weeks of strength training. I’ve been running a couple miles a few times a week on days I don’t have Crossfit, so that all helps too. But here’s the good news: I’ve shaved almost two minutes off my mile pace. I don’t know how you’re supposed to phrase that, but it means I was running 14 minutes miles, and now I can run 12 minute miles. Of course the longer I run, that goes down some as my body fatigues, but it’s definitely an improvement.
The other great result is that I’ve lost 5 pounds! I wasn’t even expecting that. I’m not heavy by any means, but I had gained enough over the past year that my favorite jeans were not fitting anymore. So I’m happy to be heading in the direction of fitting into those jeans again.
Those are my quantifiable results. Two minutes, 5 pounds. What I can’t quantify – and probably the most exciting of all – is how good I feel. How NOT fatigued I am. How I am moving around without struggle. Daily chores have been reduced to more of a mental challenge than a physical one. And yes, I’m tired by the end of the day. But tired is different from fatigue. Tired has a good reason. This daily exercise is no joke, and when I sleep, I sleep hard. But it’s all so worth it.
Okay, I used to make fun of the Crossfit people because I felt they were a bit fanatic and really, nobody likes to hear about other people doing healthy, impressive things like lifting heavy weights and stuff, when you’re just sitting at home watching Netflix most days. And when I say nobody, of course I mean me.
Now I don’t know if I’m becoming one of “those” people, but I’m certainly enjoying the results I am seeing from Crossfit. Already!! I’ve only been to four sessions so far but already my body is responding well. My last run on Monday was incredibly smooth and strong, which was pretty encouraging for me. I can tell my body is changing for the better.
Also, I just feel overall stronger. My legs especially are feeling almost as if they can be relied upon. Like, I can really count on these legs to not only hold me up, but move me around the house with ease. With EASE! I feel like this is a ridiculous thing to be pointing out, because it’s probably such a normal thing for most people. Right? I mean, do you ever stop to think about how your legs get you from point A to point B? Well, I think about it daily. I never take it for granted, because there is always the memory of when they couldn’t, and the looming fear that someday they will fail me again. And I think about how hard it is to move them on days I’m fatigued. So when it occurs to me that I’m moving around the house as easily as I have been, it’s extremely apparent that I’m not expending nearly as much energy as I used to. I’m thinking, “this is how walking should be! Easy! You say you’re gonna go and then you just go!”
So, Crossfit. I guess we are going to be friends after all.
And I, apparently, am crazy. Because I tried it just one time and I loved it. Every muscle in my body is screaming with pain from a workout on Tuesday and yet I am eager to go back. Next week. Because ouchie wawa. I was able to go for a short run today and that seemed to help loosen up some muscles in my legs but my arms are still rather sore. It was hurting to reach up to put my cochlear implants on this morning.
It’s fun to whine about the pain, but I really did enjoy it. It was a complete body workout and I can see how it could help me become a better runner and be able to run longer. I still have my eye on a 10k in the fall!
I have issues with memory loss. I can’t say for sure if it’s a result of aging or if I can blame it on the MS. It’s spazzy enough that I would be inclined to credit MS for it. It’s both long-term and short-term memory loss. Gaping holes that I just can’t seem to access.
It is a minor nuisance, but my husband and kids have gotten so used to it we just laugh it off and move on with our lives. However, I’m doing this work for the church now, and it’s a whole new group of people who have yet to experience my memory loss issues. And I’m feeling a lot self-conscious as I interact with them. They ask me questions and I tell them I’ll get the answer for them but then I forget the question. Or, like today, I forgot where the question had been posed. Was it strictly verbal? Was it in a board meeting and I wrote it down? I have that inner nagging that tells me there was a question that needed answering but that was sort of the extent of it. Well, I did remember the overall subject so I sent an email to answer the question I guessed had been asked. And then after hitting send I found the email with the original request. And I felt ridiculous, because I didn’t exactly answer their question. Like, you’re aiming for the bullseye and you’re just a few inches off.
Okay, that’s not really what I wanted to blog about today. I should save that discussion for my therapist.
OOH, my therapist! Did I mention I’m going to therapy? For the depression, and I tell you it’s really helping. I leave every session feeling positive and encouraged and like everyone should go to therapy because it’s just so *useful*. I’m learning about the lies I tell myself and it’s fascinating, really. Okay, that’s all. More tomorrow, peeps. Enjoy the sunshine.
Last Friday my son and I ran a 5k in our town. It’s our 3rd year in a row running this race and we love it! It’s kind of a small town thing, so you end up seeing a lot of familiar faces. I love this race. The picture on the left is us right before we started. I don’t have one of us post-race, but I can assure you we were both smiling. He had so much fun running he went and joined the other kids in the 1 mile run. That second picture is a picture a woman from our church took and I just love it. If I ever need a reminder of why I’m doing all this running, that picture says it all. Pure pride and joy on my face right there.
I wore my new DeafBlind running vest and it really did make me feel more confident and safe. Although it kept riding up because I’m apparently too small for it, so I need to get that figured out for future races. My dear friend Staci joined me for the race and she decided she was going to stay right by my side for the entire thing, so that was a huge comfort as well. I’m kind of a loner when it comes to running and I get hyper-focused, and I think she is similar in that way so it was nice for her to be there. We were both running alone, together!
I got a slow start training for this race because of my sprained ankle, so it didn’t go as well as races in the past have. I had a lot of problem with bodily functions, and with my left foot dragging. Around the 2nd mile I had a really sharp pain in my right shoulder and I tried to stop and walk to let it rest, but I wasn’t able to keep my foot from dragging and I kept losing my balance, so I just had to push through the pain jogging until it went away about halfway through the last mile. It’s strange and interesting to me that I have better balance running than I do walking.
I still really want to run a 10k in the fall, and I know that MS fatigue is going to be my biggest obstacle to overcome if I am ever going to be able to accomplish that. When my body gets fatigued, the nerves go haywire and it’s not good. So I’m looking into strength training (i.e. Crossfit) so that I can run for longer without my body getting so fatigued.
Overall I’m still feeling really great physically. My mental state is improving as well. I suppose you could say this year’s theme is recovery and strength. And FUN. Oh, I have so much more to share but I hate to lump it all into one post so we’ll cap this here and move on to the next subject very soon!
What shall we talk about today, friends?
Baseball season has begun for my son and husband (he is a coach for the team). Their first tournament was last weekend and the girls didn’t go because it was ridiculous cold and windy and we are wimps about that. So we stayed home and my daughter watched YouTube for 38 hours while I played around in the kitchen making delicious vegan food.
Dance is in full swing for my daughter as they prepare for their recital in June. I received an information packet about all that is required for the recital and OH EM GEE am I overwhelmed! There is a dress rehearsal and requirements for hair and makeup and this is so out of my comfort zone. I was never in dance and I don’t wear makeup (much). I don’t own eyeliner or lipstick, so how am I gonna know how to put it on my daughter?? I don’t know, but I definitely plan to enlist some help on this one.
I have to mention that lately I am obsessed with this vegan cashew “mozzarella”. It is so easy to make and super duper yummy. I add it to everything I can think of, but my favorite use for it is grilled cheese sammiches! My husband will tell you I make the best grilled cheese sandwiches, and I won’t deny his assessment. I make a lot of them, and I’m always really sad that I can’t eat them, because YUM. But now, with this cheese? I’m in sandwich heaven! I also bought little mini pizza crusts and sauce so I can make my own little veggie pizzas at home. With cheese! So that’s what’s on the menu for today and my tummy is growling just telling you about it.
I’ve been running, sporadically. I have a 5k I’m running with my son Friday night so I had to be sure I’m prepared for it. I don’t think I’ll beat prior years’ times, but I’ll be happy if I can finish in under 40 minutes. I ran a full 3 miles today and dang, why is that 3rd mile so much harder than the first two? But I didn’t fall. My left foot was dropping a little, but not nearly as bad as it’s done in the past. I did have nerve pain in my feet but thankfully I didn’t notice it until I was finished with the run.
I always have some anxiety at these races because strangers don’t know that I’m disabled. So if people are trying to get my attention by yelling or waving, it’s not gonna work. I’ve been bumped around during races because people assume I can see to get out of their way, or hear them coming to move aside. So I bought a reflective running vest that says “Deaf Blind”. It’s really bright and in big block letters so there’s no way I won’t be noticed. I feel a little weird about wearing it at the race but I have to convince myself that it WILL make me feel safer, and that’s all that matters. Maybe I’ll even run a little faster, knowing that I’m safer. I guess we’ll see.
Anyhoo, I’m sure there’s more I’m forgetting but I’ll leave it here for now. I’m gonna go make me some vegan pizza! 🙂